The Unenchanted Tiki Restroom

Recently I ate at the Harbor Crab Co in Long Island and was pleasantly surprised by the great tiki bar vibe.  This theming was carried all the way to the restroom where the walls were covered with bamboo and raffia.  It was what I would imagine the bathrooms looked like on Gilligan's Island.  Normally I would have thought this was pretty cool until I tried to close the bamboo door on the stall and realized that the stall was designed for Lieutenant Dan.  There was no leg room.  The door, when shut, was flush (pardon the pun) with the rim of the toilet.  This meant that anyone not truncated at the waist, would have to straddle the bowl to shut the door and then sit spread eagle.  Perhaps this is "the Polynesian Way."  Surely it works muscles not generally exercised in a normal restroom visit.

One situated, you find yourself uncomfortably close to a wall of bamboo and start to understand the POW experience in Southeast Asia.  Slowly, it dawns on you that you are completely trapped, indeed, you will never get out.  I pondered spending the rest of my life in this bamboo coffin.  Realizing that I had to get back to civilization, I started to plan my escape.  After ruling out opening the door to get some room to maneuver, I realized that my limbo training had come in handy after all and I was able to slowly extricated myself from the cage.  Now I am convinced that there are hidden cameras all over the place and that this bathroom will someday be a reality show.  The goal will be to find the best way to get out of the stall...with the least rim contact possible (it's not possible).

And that is my experience as a prisoner in the South Pacific.