Roller Rink Restroom Blues

Today...I am babysitting...and despite not having rollerskated in the past 25 years...I said "yes."  So we hauled my aging carcass down to Holiday Skating Center and I donned probably the same skates I wore when I was in high school and every song was either from "Xanadu" or Funkytown.

While I managed myself well in the rink, managing not to fall in front of my nephews or niece, I was terrified to skate into the restroom even though I had needed to go before we even left the house.  First off...skating on tile is a different game.  One slip up, and you've face-planted in a room that CHILDREN USE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM...and, between you and me, they're not known for their expert aiming.  I also had visions of actually making it to the urinal only the find myself rolling backwards propelled by a stream of pee.

I was hoping there would be rails flanking the urinals so that I could hold on for dear life, but entering to find out, scanning the boy's room and leaving, struck me as a possible fast track to Sex Offenderville.  No adult male wants to emerge from the boy's room looking like a teetering zombie on skates to a chorus of "Stranger Danger!!"

Finally they announced "Boy's skate" and I grabbed my window of opportunity for an empty boy's room.  It turns out that peeing on rollerskates (well, not 'ON'...rather 'WHILE on'), is just like riding a bike.  Mission accomplished, I turned around as this little kid zipped in, looked up at me as though he was wondering why Frankenstein was on rollerskates and wondering if he was going to get attacked.  Who knew that a restroom in a roller rink could strike fear in the heart of a 45 year old?